Hi, all.
Please enjoy this new (extremely topical) piece for McSweeney’s Internet Tendency co-written with my wife, best friend, (and mother of my other, smaller best friend) Jennifer Wright.
I, High-Powered Fashion Editor Miranda Priestly, Demand An Assistant Who Is Terrible.
Pictured: Oh no! The Devil!
Via McSweeney’s
To Whom It May Concern:
You know who I am. I’m Miranda Priestly, Editor-In-Chief of RUNWAY, the most popular and influential print magazine in the world, in this, the current year of 2006. Or maybe you know me by my other names: “The Devil in Prada,” “Dragon Lady,” “The Cerulean Bitch,” or “Anna Wintour.” That last one, of course, is hilariously untrue, because I frequently mention my dear friend Anna as often as is legally necessary.
But however you may know me, I am preceded by my reputation. I am the God of the fashion world and my opinion is the only one that matters to any designer. I can destroy careers with a purse of my lips. It takes every ounce of my focus and every second of my day to stay at the top, and if I don’t demand the same of those around me, my enemies will strike, and my world will crumble.
This is why, today, I am inexplicably putting out the call for an assistant who is terrible.
The official title is Junior Personal Assistant to the Editor-In-Chief, a job that millions of girls would kill for. These ideal girls would all have devoted their entire lives to fashion—looking it, living it, knowing it inside and out from the origins of whalebone corsetry to the bleeding edge of Harajuku Streetwear. But these girls need not apply. What I am looking for is a recent college graduate with zero experience, ideally who majored in a tangentially related field, say, journalism, who wanders in off the street and immediately craps on everything I stand for. To my face.
This is what I require.
Read the whole piece here.
Meanwhile,
It’s called Star WARS not Star FRIENDS.
— and yet I had a great time talking to my friends, Greg Iwinski (Late Show With Stephen Colbert, Last Week Tonight) and Tim Barnes (The Tonight Show, Nickelodeon’s Warped!) on the Yub Nub Star Wars podcast.
Pictured: Daniel Kibblesmith, Casual Star Wars Fan.
I’m still furious with myself at missing Tim’s perfect Mace Windu joke. You can subscribe to the podcast with whatever you usually use, it’s not rocket science (but according to George Lucas, it might be Magnetic Paint.™).
And speaking of talking on the computer—
I was also invited to be on the YouTube talk show, The What's UPDATE with Xander Kwiecien, to talk about my career and secret origins — and also surprise myself (and the host), by answering a “Who would you have dinner with, living or dead” style question in the most vindictive way possible (around 1:00:34).
“Yes, but all of this is FREE. How do I spend some MONEY on you?”
You can still pre-order the upcoming Archie Meets Riverdale One-Shot from Archie Comics and it will be delivered TO YOUR DOOR — or you can find a comic shop near you at (brace yourself) ComicShopLocator.com and give them a call right now.
Cover A by the Archie favorite and my Valiant High pal, Derek Charm.
Currently Reading/Watching:
Severance.
Whatever genre this is, it’s my favorite genre. Currently on AppleTV+.
🎥 My Letterboxd is a good indicator of what I’m watching, although at a glance it looks like my film viewing habits are curated by training a laser pointer at the remote control and letting the cat go to town until Moana comes on.
📖 Goodreads is where you can see what eleven unfinished books I’m bouncing between and then creepily finishing all on the same day like when you mix together all the dwindling cereals to make one final omni-bowl.
Old(er) News:
👁🗨 Watch Inside Job on Netflix and keep me gainfully employed for a potential second season (the second HALF of the FIRST season should be coming this year.
🦖 Purchase Princess Dinosaur here or from your favorite children’s bookstore near you. Tell them you know me. Ask if they’d like me to do a Zoom event. Treat me like your son (one you’re proud of, not one who disappoints you at every turn).
Okay, I think that’s everything.