Sometimes nothing in particular is going on, and that’s when it’s time for —
Not a podcast title yet, but also never will be.
So what’s going on with your “old” “pal” “Daniel” —
Partially Vaccinated.
“I Voted!”
This is mostly just a ploy to get to see King Kong beat the hell out of Godzilla on “the big screen” — THAT’S RIGHT I PICKED A SIDE.
Currently Working On:
#1. A New Baby
My wife, Jennifer Wright, better known by her late '90s ECW nickname, "The Draw" is seven months pregnant. She keeps saying "WE'RE pregnant," but she's mostly joking and I'm fairly sure I feel like shit for other reasons (sleep, diet, partial vaccination, and returning to the depressing baseline of social media now that the big sideways boat is gone).
RIP The Big Sideways Boat — Probably bad for the world but very funny for us.
Yesterday I learned that pregnancy lasts for 40 weeks which is not exactly the same as Nine Months™ which makes Hugh Grant a LIAR, but not for that other thing he did, who even remembers what that was, it probably requires you to remember who Jay Leno is, which is surely not necessary, and besides, if Hugh Grant is going to get in trouble in any of MY memories it will be for crossing my boy Paddington 2.
A truly unexpected percentage of this movie takes place in a men’s prison.
Jennifer has chosen a hospital for the baby to be born in, one assumes by Googling "Hospitals," but not including, as I would, "with cafeterias that deliver" or "grainy cellphone videos of faceless men under flickering fluorescent light walking the white-tiled halls at night whilst blinking in and out of view."
And it's perfect (the hospital), it's nice, it's safe, Hospital Magazine gives it Five Surgeries, and best of all, it's terrifyingly far away so that I can give a taxi driver a THRILLING story to tell when he gets home.
But hey, Did You Know that when you're asking permission to be a customer at a particular baby hospital, there's pre-registration paperwork involved that is tantamount to filling out a D&D character sheet, except you're registering your new character as a legal entity with the U.S. Government?
Pictured: Where babies come from
Because I didn't know this, and it is fascinating. I guess it's in order to more quickly facilitate a birth certificate, and I can't wait to see the entire process unfold. It reveals a lot about me, I think, that one of the aspects of parenthood I'm most excited about is being exposed to new corners of bureaucracy. This excitement will definitely last.
Between that, and knowing you're not supposed to touch halogen lightbulbs with just your hands because of hand oils that affect its lifespan under high heat, I think we can all agree I'm ready to be approximately 50% responsible for a human life.
If you’re a friend of ours, or an enemy looking to lull us into a false sense of security, our Baby Registry is available at: http://babylist.com/kibblewright
I don’t know if that is the baby’s last actual name yet, I assume they’ll tell me at the faraway hospital.
#2. At least one TV Show.
I don’t know if I’m specifically allowed to to say which TV shows I’ve been working on, but here’s a sanctioned picture of one virtual writer’s room enjoying “International Hat Day.” (Real?)
So no hints, but if I were you, I’d sign up for something called “Netflix” (So called because it’s a Kinetescope you watch while eating your Flavor Stix™).
#3. Garfbert?
REMEMBER GARFBERT? Garfbert is gradually migrating over to Instagram, with “updates” more or less daily. I can’t really call them updates, because the bulk of the strips are from 2014, but there are more new ones waiting in my iPhone photo reel than I can count on one hand (mine). Here’s a thrilling preview:
Can you believe it?
#4. Clubhouse
Yes, THAT Clubhouse. Sam Weiner (of How To Win At Everything “fame”) and I have been doing a twice-weekly 15 minute Clubhouse show called Agree to Agree, reviving a Periscope-era project we used to do over our lunch hour when we both worked at BuzzFeed (dot com, ever heard of it?).
It lasts about 15 minutes and we regularly have zero to two listeners. Will YOU be number 3? Follow us and find out at joinclubhouse.com (I don’t know how, good luck) and buy our book, it’s got so many jokes and funny illustrations in it, and IMHO it never got “a fair shake,” because people saw the title and wanted to actually dominate their enemies instead of have a fun time with two sit-down comedy pals.
Currently Reading:
Mona Lisa Overdrive by William Gibson
Jen got me a cool bundle of the Sprawl Trilogy + Burning Chrome for Christmas and my goal was to read/reread them all before the baby arrived — and I largely have because because going out of doors remains discouraged. We are all “CyberPunks” now (really makes you think).
Baby books
They all say different stuff.
I guess you could also just follow me on GoodReads, I got back into it during quarantine, but I don’t actually review anything because I know the authors are reading them and I’d give five stars to everything because I’m not a monster.
Currently Watching:
Actually just finished it, which means no more marriage in-jokes like “Let’s see how the Halties are doing, will they catch fire this week?” or “How are Halt and Catch Fire gonna get out of this one?”
Same deal, just finished, and in this new/second season, the characters themselves almost literally ask “How are the Solar Opposites gonna get out of this one?” on a regular basis.
This one’s not over yet! You can watch this one live … with AMERICA.
Hot Rec:
Happily available on demand for purchase and rental now. It has everyone you like in it.
